STAN ARNOLD BOOKS

Mrs Hathaway, Mick and Jim's 60-year-old office cleaning lady, is a martial arts/extreme sports expert - skills she developed through online and home video courses.

Daring Dooz is a highly successful global magazine, full of fictitious adventure stories featuring scantily clad pole dancers.

Mrs Hathaway is, however, the real thing, and accepts a series of global challenges for a £2 million advance.

The challenges involve shark attacks, time warps, anacondas, MiG fighters, sex-mad caimans and exploding missionaries, with Mick and Jim coerced into videoing every terrifying step.

Mick and Jim are on the run from Vlad and Vic, enforcers for international crime boss and Ealing comedy lover, Charlie Sumkins.

They hide at Mick's ex-wife's Guest House in Southsea, but the price involves terrifying demands of an intimate nature.

They end up in Las Vegas, where, with cactus-punctured groins, they're pursued by Reservoir Dogs' lookalikes.

Later, they escape from Thelma and Louise wannabes, and make a commitment before a bourbon-fuelled Elvis impersonator, before the big, life-threatening sort-out in Nevada's most lurid theatrical environment.

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Mick and Jim are forced into an unexpected holiday in Lanzarote. They book into Sea View, a bizarre re-creation of a 1950's Blackpool boarding house, right next to
the beach.

On their first afternoon, while enjoying a pedalo ride, they are threatened with assassination by both the CIA and KGB.

Subsequently, they are drawn into a web of lies, deceit and sexual excess involving MI7 - so secret, even MI5 and MI6 don't know
about it.

The climactic showdown is orchestrated by Polly, the world's most foul-beaked parrot.

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